My husband doesn’t want to have children with me
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married for 10 years. When we first tried to have children, we discovered that I had polycystic ovary syndrome. We stopped trying when we couldn’t afford the doctor’s visits anymore. We tried again after my husband saw a film that touched him emotionally. Nothing came of it, so we stopped trying again.
I always assumed we would give it one last try, but now my husband says he doesn’t want a child right now and may never want one. He said he would be fine if we got pregnant. He also said that he would be very scared at first, but then he would go into emergency mode and deal with it.
Abby, I don’t know what to do. Without a fertility specialist I most likely will not get pregnant but my husband has made it clear that he has no interest in having a child. He would only be okay with a baby if it “just happened.” What am I doing? — EMPTY ARMS IN TEXAS
LOVE EMPTY ARMS: Your husband doesn’t sound like a man who longs for fatherhood. Quite the opposite. The chances of you getting pregnant “just by accident” are zero without medical intervention. There are no compromises here. If the two of you can stay together, you should discuss this with a licensed counselor so you can discuss whether options other than conceiving a child are acceptable.
DEAR ABBY: I am by nature quite a friendly, cheerful person. I take people as I find them and try not to judge anyone until I’ve at least gotten to know them a little. Lately, more and more people, including those I’ve known for years, have been critical and frankly rude to me. I don’t think I said anything to them that could be construed as offensive. However, I know that I am reasonably outspoken and can be a little opinionated. Could my easy-going banter somehow make people think it’s okay to be rude to me? Because of this, I ended several friendships. I don’t want to suffocate myself. I want to continue being friendly and outgoing, but I’m not sure how to do that without being insulted even more. Have people become so superficial that they only respect others who are reserved or even hostile? This is a sad world to think about. — GOOD GUY IN HAWAII
dear good guy: The next time something like this happens, ask the person why they reacted the way they did and if you offended them in any way. If their opinion differs from yours, you should listen. In recent years, politeness has lost its value, people are polarized and less tolerant of opinions that differ from their own. I think we learn by listening to others and if we lose that ability our society will have lost something very important.
Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, aka Jeanne Phillips, and founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
