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My first love left me out of the blue for my best friend, says MAFS’ Mel Schilling

When I think back to my first love, the sweet scent of Brut 33 always comes to mind.

The year was 1987 and I was 15 years old. Stuart and I had been making notes at school for weeks when he finally asked me to be his girlfriend.

When I think back to my first love, the sweet scent of Brut 33 always comes to mind

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When I think back to my first love, the sweet scent of Brut 33 always comes to mind

I was dizzy with excitement. He looked the same with his permed mullet Jon Bon Joviand i was infatuated.

I was so shy at the time that we mostly communicated through friends. After six months he left me out of the blue and I was heartbroken. However, I really wanted to stay friends with him and even pretended I didn’t care when he moved on with my best mate.

Although it was incredibly painful at the time, this experience prepared me for it how brutal the modern dating world can be.

After graduating from high school, I studied psychology at the University of Melbourne and worked in the corporate sector training people into leadership positions. Typical clients were women in their 30s who were doing well in their careers but were having a bad time dating – like me!

It doesn’t bring happiness in dating – you have to make your own. dating coaching wasn’t really an issue in Australia back then, so I came up with a strategic approach to helping women find love: treat it like your career.

she would not show up for an interview without reading the job description or thought about where you want to be in five years. You would never say, “I’ll just leave my career to chance because it will work out.” So why with love?

While I’ve thrived as a dating coach, I’ve struggled in my own personal life. During my 30’s I thought I would make myself stand out by being on dating websites and talking to guys in bars.

But when I look back I see that I sabotage myself. I would choose people who were emotionally and sometimes geographically unavailable.

Like many of my clients, I’ve dated bad boys, attachment phobias, and Peter Pan types who never wanted to grow up. I began to wonder if I would ever find love. But then I met Gareth.

Gareth, now 49, and I met on eHarmony in 2008 when we were in our late 30s and he immediately saw through my tough girl personality.

Since I lived in Victoria and he lived hundreds of miles away in Adelaide, we spent six weeks exchanging essay-length emails and daily texts before our first date. I tried to call him once during that time, but I couldn’t understand a word he said because he has such a word heavy Northern Irish accent!

I had butterflies from the moment I saw him. I did everything I would advise against on our first date — I told him my whole life story, including some of the worst guys I’d dated, in a high-pitched voice because I was so nervous. At one point he leaned across the table, put his hand on mine and said, “It’s okay, you can relax. You don’t have to prove anything.”

Like many of my clients, I’ve dated bad boys, attachment phobias, and Peter Pan types who never wanted to grow up. I began to wonder if I would ever find love. But then I met Gareth.

I knew it was him The one because our conversation just flowed. After 10 years, Gareth has never bored me. Frustrated? Yes. Sometimes pissed off, yes. But never boring!

Unfortunately, when I was 40, I miscarried our first baby at 12 weeks. We gave it another try for a year before fathering our daughter Maddie, now seven IVF. I burst into tears the first time I heard her heartbeat at the six-week scan. I had never felt love like this before.

Now when I put her to bed at night, I put my hand on her heart and feel it beating. It brings me back to that first ultrasound.

Growing up I was a firm believer in love at first sight — but being a matchmaker on the show changed my mind. My job gives me a bird’s-eye view of these relationships, and it has taught me that respect is everything.

A couple who respect each other can argue and make it on the other side. One who doesn’t do this will collapse immediately. Love means feeling fully seen, accepted and supported yet challenged. It’s more than just physical attraction.

  • Watch Married At First Sight Australia, Monday-Thursday 7:30pm E4.

https://www.thesun.co.uk/fabulous/17876858/mel-schilling-dumped-bestie/ My first love left me out of the blue for my best friend, says MAFS’ Mel Schilling

Dais Johnston

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