Just shut up, you self-obsessed, tearful wasters

What are you most concerned about at the moment?

The rocket shooting inflation causing such financial heartache for millions of families across America?

The horrible war in Ukraine that has led to such devastating misery for the poor people being terrorized by the genocidal monster Vladimir Putin?

The deadly coronavirus pandemic still soaking up so much death and agony?

Or perhaps you are reeling from the shock and fear of the terrifying attack on a Brooklyn subway?

In our turbulent world, there are so many things to be seriously concerned about.

But at the bottom of my list, maybe even below, is the state Johnny Depp and Amber Heards broken marriage.

I can honestly say that the number of f-ks I give to this shamelessly infatuated and self-obsessed couple of whining wastrels could be written on their backs Mycoplasma genitaliathe smallest living organism on the planet and appropriately a parasitic bacterium that lives in our waste disposal organs.

When Depp and Heard’s latest lawsuit begins in a Virginia court, we are once again forced to endure disgustingly ugly details about how much they hate each other and how appallingly they both behaved during a relationship that was spectacularly awful even by Hollywood standards.

Depp is suing Heard for $50 million over a Guest post 2018 Writing in The Washington Post, she described herself as a “public figure who advocates domestic violence.”

She, in turn, is suing him for $100 million for being a liar.

And just a day later in what is expected to last – God help us all – three weeks, their lawyers hurled huge amounts of verbal excrement over the two protagonists.

Of course, we’ve been through all that with her first court case in London, where Depp lost a defamation case against the Sun newspaper for calling him a wife beater.

My main takeaway from this repulsive orgy of relentless mudslinging is that they are mutually awful and should be avoided by future romantic suitors like a gazelle avoids a pride of ravenous lions.

The indictment of allegations and counterclaims about their alcohol-soaked, drug-fuelled fights included partially severed fingers, “fake” or real bruises, hairline fractures, “disco bloodbaths,” vodka bottles thrown like grenades, phones ripped off walls, names with names Blood written on mirrors, dogs dangling from car windows, tampon applicators used to snort cocaine, allegations of affairs and threesomes with billionaires and other stars, kicking on planes and constant rude yelling.

One night, Depp had a heated argument with Heard at her LA home after he was told $750 million had disappeared from his finances and someone — he says she, she says a dog — had pooped on her bed.

This adorable vignette was arguably the low point of their s–tty little marriage — though nearby were demeaning photos of a snarling, drug-devastated dork slumped on the floor, ice cream dripping between his legs.

I could go on because there was so much more and we’re going to hear it choked up again this month now, but I just can’t get my head around it.

Why fuel the smug, attention-seeking cops of this pathetic duo?

Suffice it to say that in the realm of show business, marital conflict has never seen so much abuse from just two people.

Depp and Heard hate each other with passion this makes Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt look like an advertisement for loving harmony.

At the heart of this hatred lies an undeniable fact: They are both supreme narcissists.

Literally.

Indeed, medically and scientifically.

The Mayo Clinic identifies narcissistic personality disorder as a mental condition in which people have “an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for excessive attention and admiration, dysfunctional relationships, and a lack of empathy for others.”

Is there a better or more accurate way to describe Johnny Depp and Amber Heard?

Two Grand Canyon-sized egos, used to getting their way, seemingly without a single thought of concern for their spouse and united only by a penchant for abuse – mentally and physically.

Now they both play the victim in a time when there are millions of them real War casualties, a killer virus and a crippling increase in the cost of living.

They want us to reach into our hearts and feel sorry for two filthy rich, stunningly spoiled actors as mothers and babies are bombed in maternity hospitals, refugees are murdered by Russian rockets aimed at them and Holocaust survivors are burned in their homes.

They want us to feel sorry for them as the USA Death toll from COVID-19 is approaching 1 million people as lines at American food banks reach record highs and New Yorkers on their way to work are attacked with guns and smoke grenades by deranged lunatics.

Well, forgive me if I turn down this invitation.

I can’t think of anyone less deserving of my sympathy than this cruel couple trapped in their own pathetically delusional, terribly selfish toddler tantrum world.

“I’m so sorry for Johnny Depp and Amber Heard.”

Said absolutely nobody.