Dear Amy: My daughter got engaged last week. We are delighted and love “Steve”.
She said, “Steve wanted a traditional Catholic wedding. His family also wanted alcohol served.”
We are a Christian family and go to church every Sunday (Steve attended with us). Steve and his family don’t attend Mass regularly.
I said, “That can’t happen.”
Her father passed away a few years ago, and I don’t expect them to get married in our church, but I strongly oppose that in a Catholic church.
Also, in our close and conservative family, we don’t drink.
We have been to many Catholic weddings, and my daughter always calls them “too formal.” She said she had no hobbies and always thought of holding an outdoor wedding.
I thought a neutral position would be better.
Is it important that I pay for the wedding?
Do I have to pay for alcohol provided at reception?
Am I eligible to provide financial assistance if it is held at a Catholic church?
MIL in the future
Dear Future MIL: Your views and comments about a Catholic wedding are blatantly prejudiced, as well as unflattering. How would you feel if your future son-in-law or his parents reacted this way about your practice of faith?
It is important for you to realize that this wedding is Not about you. It’s about your daughter and her future husband.
If you’ve shown the grace to remain silent during this pre-planning phase, and simply let the couple open up to explore their ideas on their own, they will know for themselves that a ceremony Catholicism may not work for them, because of many kinds. The reason will be explained by the priest.
In my opinion, you owe your daughter and her fiancé an apology for your reaction and a promise that you will try to listen without interfering as they excitedly describe their plans.
Let them know that you have a certain budget for building the invoice, and if there are parameters around it, you should be honest. If you don’t want to pay for any aspect of this reception, including alcohol – don’t!
Dear Amy: My brother suffered a very catastrophic head injury. He was on life support.
After a few days, my sister-in-law decided to withdraw his life support money.
There are several family members present when life support is removed.
As you probably know, once life support is removed you can linger for a while until it passes. Yes, they stay for a while, but then “can’t handle it anymore” – so they leave.
My brother died alone! I’m so angry he was left to die alone!
Am I overreacting and being unreasonable?
Dear fury: People can linger for days after being cut off from life support.
And sometimes, people linger and then seem to “wait” to die until a loved one leaves the room.
At least, this is what the hospice nurse told me as I briefly left the room during my own vigil. Two minutes later, I learned that my loved one was gone just as I was.
Did I abandon this person to die alone? No – goodbye has been said. I just… went to the bathroom.
Honestly, you feel sad that you ended up not being with your brother.
Please don’t judge other people’s choices too harshly. There is no one way to do this and everyone’s abilities are different. Don’t let your anger overwhelm your pain.
Dear Amy: I read letter from a preschool teacher who gives each student a book that she reads to them every day.
I don’t think anyone other than the teacher or the student receiving that beautiful gift realizes the impact of the gesture.
In first grade, my son’s teacher made beaded animals by hand and gave each child their favorite animal for their birthday.
As he climbed into his booster seat, he placed his birthday turtle in the drawer by the door. Whenever we got a new car, it was put in the old location.
My son is now 29 and that beaded turtle is in the cupboard in his car.
Sometimes we don’t realize how small acts of kindness carry us along the path of our lives.
Mom with memories
Dear Mom: Sometimes kindness is carried on the back of a handcrafted turtle.
You can email Amy Dickinson at email@example.com or write to Ask Amy, PO Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.
https://www.mercurynews.com/2022/01/23/ask-amy-prepared-to-put-my-foot-down-about-catholic-wedding/ I’m about to set foot on this wedding