I got my heart broken like Vanessa Feltz so I know how to deal with it – here’s my five point plan

FIRST, my heartfelt condolences to Vanessa Feltz for what she must endure [purportedly] She discovers that her 16-year-old boyfriend, Ben, is looking for conversation with other women.

I don’t envy her one bit.

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It doesn’t matter how strong, how independent or how smart you are, Heartbreak is an absolute hog.

It stinks.

It has crippled me many times.

It has left me feeling physically paralyzed, emotionally suffocated, and mentally confused all at once – sadly, more than once.

It’s the kind of agony that envelops your entire being and affects every aspect of your life.

Our heart is a powerful organ and when it breaks it feels impossible to continue.

Anyone who says their heart wasn’t broken is either lying to themselves or is not a sentient being.

It happens to all of us in different shapes and sizes.

It must feel like a cruel double whammy for Vanessa because her first husband abandoned her and their daughters over his infidelity.

She must feel that adultery and betrayal continue to cast a shadow over her pursuit of happiness.

The deceit and duplicity have nothing to do with her, but there are inevitably moments when you start questioning yourself about who and what you are, and possibly even what you did wrong.

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So not only do you bear the cross of indescribable pain, but you are suddenly forced to embark on an involuntary journey of self-analysis and afterthought.

Seems like a cruel twist of fate when you’re already on your knees and crawling on the floor to find your dignity and pieces of your broken heart.

But Vanessa isn’t the first to have her heart broken.

She will certainly not be the last.

What matters is that we manage to get through.

I never speak of overcoming heartbreak because I’m not entirely convinced you ever actually do.

There’s always a tiny, tiny part of you that’s forever scarred, damaged, and disabled by the experience — no matter how small.

It’s always there.

The strange thing is that heartbreak can even come from ending something yourself.

I retired from my last marriage and the heartbreak was unbearable for a long time – the sadness, the fear and the sense of disappointment were palpable.

I happened to read with interest this week that a new study now suggests an unhappy marriage is better for your health than being single or divorced.

It has something to do with lower blood sugar levels when you’re in a relationship.

Thank god they clarified that because I’ve never heard crap like this before.

I’d rather be miserable alone than trapped in an unhappy marriage.

Spreading this kind of nonsense is dangerous and would probably lure people into staying in miserable situations for fear of developing diabetes.

Murder gets you less than enduring an unhappy marriage.

Six years ago I didn’t expect to be single by 50.

Vanessa certainly didn’t expect to be single at 60 and I can’t fool her that it’s not hard out there.

The dating world is the new Wild West (but that’s a whole different chapter) and I suppose that’s not the first thing Feltz is thinking about at the moment.

But here’s the point: The inescapable and unreasonable fact about heartbreak is that when someone breaks your heart, it’s you who recover, heal, mend and, last but not least, learn to trust again.

But as we all know, it’s not impossible.

It only seems so in the depths of your despair.

Things don’t always turn out the way we imagine.

It always seems to me as if “man plans and God laughs”.

So it pays to hold on to the fact that “this too shall pass.”

Because it really will.

There are now some short-term aids.

Above I offer my five tips to ease the pain. . .

Turn to your friends

FIRST and foremost, it’s the immeasurable love and friendship of family, close friends—and sometimes even strangers—that help you stay upright.

Yes, upright.

Because most of the time I found myself, figuratively speaking, in a heap on the floor.

It felt like I had crumbled or melted into a messy heap on the floor.

The pain and loss can feel so all-encompassing that you feel unable to function with any semblance of normalcy.

But your friends are there to pick you up and support you – so take advantage of these offers of help.

I have friends that I know I can call in the middle of the night if I need to because unfortunately heartbreak doesn’t just happen during work hours – it hits you at 2:30 am and that’s when you might need a shoulder or better still an ear.

Ignore the well-meaning but clumsy friend who says, “You’re better off without him,” etc., because while the intent is to boost your spirits and self-esteem, that’s not how you feel in your darkest hour .

shout it out

FOR God’s sake cry!

cry as much as you can

I’m not much of a screamer, but heartbreak inevitably opens the floodgates.

It’s good to cry, and even though you’re shedding between 15 and 30 gallons of tears a year, there will come a day when you’ll stop — not because you’re done with your aching heart, but you’ll just be barely there anymore cry.

See the process as a kind of mourning.

You lament part of what was and part of what should have been.

On the plus side, you were spared what should have been because it never could have been.

If that makes sense.

While I highly recommend seeking out distractions and entertainment, they can only be of limited help.

Hard work comes with time. . .

Hit the pinot

THE disturbing thing about heartbreak is that it is an actual physical pain.

It actually exists.

Your heart can actually hurt when it’s broken, and the bad part is that there’s no medicine for it – no painkillers can relieve the pain.

Medicines do not touch the sides.

And maybe that’s why we so often overlook people with heartbreak, because it wasn’t previously thought of as an illness.

Surround yourself with good people.

Go and do fun things.

Distract yourself.

Stay busy.

Get your ego massaged.

Have your body massaged.

Start running.

Go underwater basket weaving.

let your hair down

Absolutely get laughed at.

Book a vacation.

An excursion.

All of these things are great distractions, albeit temporary solutions.

They will take your mind off your pain and remind you that you are actually still able to laugh away from the person who made you cry.

Embrace the pain and get a dog

I HAVE always made sure I get through my heartbreak.

I don’t kick my can of sadness in the street.

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As painful as it is, you just have to endure it.

I’m not saying I’m lovingly embracing it, but I’d rather take the pain of it happening than pretend I’m okay and then have a nervous breakdown three months later.

I’m not saying get a dog to mend your broken heart, but her love is unconditional and mine has seen me through many broken hearts.

You eased the pain.

Don’t hide tears from children

It’s a tough job hiding your heartbreak from your kids, but I’ve always been honest with mine and explained that I’m sad.

Children shouldn’t fear pain and heartache—in fact, it’s not a bad idea if they’re witnessing it.

Or you can always run upstairs and scream into a pillow or bite your arm.

sobbing in the shower.

Go chop some wood.

Bake bread and beat the dough.

I promise you will feel better.