I cut my brother off after realizing it was not normal to bully siblings

My brother repeatedly controlled me and caused problems between me and my parents (Image: MicrovOne/Getty)

While recently researching for my job as a journalist, I opened an article investigating ‘sibling abuse’.

It is about psychological and physical trauma caused by another sibling, more often to the younger than to the older one.

Reading through it made me feel incredibly sad – it resonated deeply. Until that day, I thought that all of you acted like me.

Growing up, I was always annoyed by my older brother, Trevor*.

More than that, to him, I was useless and a problem he needed to get rid of.

One evening at home when I was 5 years old and he was 10 years old, our parents came home late from work so he was in charge of taking care of me. But instead of doing that, he wanted to hang out with his friends – so he put Vicks VapoRub over my eyes to put me to sleep, and leave me alone.

My mother came home an hour later and saw me cry, barely able to open my eyes. She yelled at him when he turned around but it wasn’t enough of a punishment. They were too soft – he never learned a lesson because my parents spoiled him.

This was the first of many ways my brother made my life miserable and showed me that he didn’t care about growing up.

Trevor annoys me and sometimes I actually despise him because I see that he has no kindness in his nature. He was a bully who would be happy to see me sad.

Once, when I was 15, I wanted to stay at a friend’s house, but my brother lied to my parents that she was a ‘bad influence’, making it impossible for me to go.

When I confronted him about it, he gloated and told me how ‘can’t stand me’ his parents, and how they always listen to him.

I gutted and realized that he would always do what he could to make my life unhappy and that I could never count on him.

So I always keep my distance, I never want to tell him anything about my life.

Sometimes I really despise him because I don’t find his nature to be kind

Until a few months ago, I didn’t know that sibling relationships weren’t usually like this, so I accepted the way it was.

I thought the other siblings got along better than Trevor and I, and that I was weird – but I didn’t know what our relationship was. this abnormal.

My brother has repeatedly controlled me and caused problems between me and my parents.

They will listen to him – they think he is bigger, wiser and always right.

In my culture, there is a lot of joy when a boy is born, compared to the disappointment when a girl arrives because a boy has a surname.

Family members would compare him to me and say he was well behaved, very polite, well spoken and a good boy. He’s smart and I’m wild, simply because I always enjoy seeing my friends, talking on the phone with friends, cutting my hair short and dyeing it blonde to express myself.

I feel very low, and that makes me lack confidence, which my brother competed.

I can’t tell my family members how my brother made me feel bullied because they all love him. And because of this, I became the black sheep in the family. It made me feel angry with my brother because he caused the rift.

He would make me feel guilty for wanting to spend time with friends since I wasn’t at home – in fact I’d rather be anywhere but him.

I remember being called horrible things – he was always yelling at me, calling me an asshole, and recently, he even teased me when I got divorced a few years ago. He said it was embarrassing and I was a failure. I feel broken inside. I feel useless.

During my teenage years, I used to think ‘what kind of person am I that my brother hates me so much?’

I didn’t realize it was due to jealousy until later when I was growing up.

After reading his characteristics – excessive desire for attention, sense of self-importance, lack of empathy for others, broken relationships with others – I found that his brother I am a ‘narcissist’.

I feel relieved when everything suddenly makes sense.

I used to think the big brother was to protect the younger sisters

Even before I had this revelation, I knew I needed to remove him from my life in order to move on with me. He tried to sabotage my career by calling my company asking me to be fired for running a business – a false allegation – and he sent me a lot of aggressive emails. and threaten.

My brother doesn’t want to see me succeed. I cut him off completely in 2015.

I blocked him on social media and on the phone. He set up fake accounts to keep following me, but I blocked them too – immediately, I was relieved.

There were years when I was silent about the pain he went through, I felt ashamed and lacked confidence.

Then, gradually, I opened my heart and told everyone what I had been through.

In conversing with others, some revealed that they had a sibling they did not speak to. I started to see how common a problem it was, and I realized I could talk about it.

I feel like sibling abuse goes unnoticed because it’s not seen as a problem by the media, the community, it’s ignored. It’s usually abuse from a parent or partner, not a sibling, that will get attention. But this is a serious problem and it has a huge impact on mental health.

I don’t have hatred in my heart, I just don’t want to be bullied anymore

Lately, I’ve been having frequent stomach upsets, and I’m sure it’s due to stress and anxiety. I couldn’t sleep, I felt constantly in tears. I feel like I’m suffering because of what I’ve been through – I turn to meditation and prayer to help me get through it.

Now, my parents also no longer have a relationship with him. He expected money but they refused to give it because they recognized his true color.

In recent months, things have only taken a turn for the worse as he continues to treat us like a family. His anonymous texts are on the rise – now threats and harassment, with some very disgusting language, even inappropriate things about my closeness with my dad.

These are just signs that he has something wrong and it’s really heartbreaking to receive these.

The hardest thing was that I had to keep this away from my parents because I didn’t want them to worry. I wish I had one more brother – a sister – so I had someone to share this with.

What if something happened to my parents? Will he pursue me again and give me more trouble? I feel lonely.

I know the best way forward is to forgive him and accept that we will never get along – it’s for my health. I don’t have hatred in my heart, I just don’t want to be bullied anymore.

The online abuse was reported to the police. They recorded it and if he goes back to the UK he will be arrested and questioned. There was nothing I could do but try to let go.

I would advise anyone reading this who might be going through something similar to removing a blood brother from your life if you don’t want the stress. I don’t regret it at all except I wish I had done it sooner.

I wish I was strong enough to do something when I was young but I am powerless.

He ruined my life – his jealous behavior killed everything.

As far as I know, I am an only child.

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Tom Vazquez

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