DEAR HARRIETTE: My college roommate stole hundreds of dollars from me.
His mother gave it back to me a few months later, but the damage was done by the time I got my money back.
He recently messaged me on Facebook asking me to publicly apologize for telling everyone he’s been stealing from me ever since I got my money back.
I don’t want to do that. The money returned was returned by his mother, not him. He should never have robbed me in the first place.
He said he needed me to clarify his name because my accusations prevented him from getting a job.
What should I do?
Still a thief
DEAR ONE THIEF: Why does your ex-roommate believe your accusations are costing him his job? Did you post about the theft? How will this be made public?
As for his mother, it’s real that you get rewarded. You should accept that.
More than what you want? Has your roommate ever apologized to you for the theft? Do you know why he steals from you? What I get is, why are you still so upset? There is something unresolved between the two of you.
Go back to your mind and review what happened. What are the circumstances of the theft? What happened in the life of you and your roommate? What would make you feel at peace in this situation? My gut says you still need something from him before you’re ready to publicly release him from his sins.
DEAR HARRIETTE: My aunt – my mother’s sister – has had a problem with my stepfather for quite some time. Their problems are complex and I always try to stay neutral about the situation.
I had a long conversation with my stepmother the other day about their problems. After talking, we both decided that it was time for all of us (my mom, my aunt and my stepdad) to sit down and talk about things together. I didn’t say much; I let my stepchild do most of the talking.
The conversation turned sour, and my aunt finally stormed out of the room and said that I had betrayed her by talking to my stepfather about the things she had told me confidently.
My aunt has since blocked me on social media, asked me to refund her every penny she spent on me in the past and no longer speaks to me.
I couldn’t help but feel guilty for badmouthing my stepfather even though my aunt’s reaction was completely wrong. Am I wrong to talk to my stepmother about her? Am I right to feel guilty?
DEAR CUSTOMERS: You are in a mess, as you know. No one has any right here. When you live in the midst of other people’s relationship drama, it affects you.
Yes, you were wrong to discredit your aunt by talking to your stepmother, but, at the same time, it is bound to happen. The adults in this situation – your mother, her husband, and your aunt – should have solved their problems without dragging you into the loop. If only life was that way.
You should apologize to your aunt for betraying her trust, but that should be enough. Her highest demand is that you pay her back because her previous support sounds like an act of revenge that could pass in time.
Now, just sit tight. Hope the storm will pass. However, the only way things will get better is if adults deal with their problems on their own.
Harriette Cole is a lifestyle person and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people reach and enable their dreams. You can send questions to firstname.lastname@example.org or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
https://www.mercurynews.com/2022/01/21/harriette-cole-he-says-he-cant-get-a-job-because-i-told-people-what-he-did/ He said he couldn’t get a job because I told him