Five years ago I turned 40 and was writing a short list of tips and suggestions for people my age, especially women, not to fade.
Since then, we’ve been through a global pandemic, and fading became secondary to just living. We’ve stayed in our homes far too long, halting our lives as if it were possible, and letting many of us slip away from what’s important. At 45, I recommit to living my life as fully as possible. Here are some ways you can do that too:
- You could lie about your age now. Not. You don’t want people to think you’re a really old looking 35 year old. Society should know what a 45-year-old looks like. Say it: I’m 45 and proud of it.
- That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t care what you look like. Don’t be embarrassed if you like botox or spanx, whatever spices up your crotch. We don’t just leave it to younger women to feel beautiful. Men too, take care. Have a sense of your own style. Get dressed when you go out. To attempt.
- Keep learning. sometimes change your mind It’s okay and normal to adjust your opinions, even long-held beliefs, as new information becomes available.
- Don’t argue with friends and acquaintances on Facebook. In particular, do not argue with family on Facebook. The medium is made for you to look through pictures of your friends’ vacations and either say “yasssss girls” their fashion choices in the comments or silently judge them. It’s not for a debate about the war in Ukraine with your third grade friend. If you need to argue on social media, Twitter is the app for you.
- Similarly, I often hear from people whose relationships with family or friends are broken because of politics. Reconsider this. There’s a great line in the film “A Bronx Story” in which a warm-hearted gangster, played by Chazz Palminteri, reminds a boy, “Mickey Mantle doesn’t care about you, so why would you care about him?” Don’t let politicians you don’t actually know get between you and yours advised family. No one ever wins political arguments with loved ones.
- That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t believe strongly in things and fight for those beliefs in other parts of your life. Having ideals and looking for ways to bring about change. Just don’t try to convert Aunt Agnes over Christmas. Bond over similarities, like how funny Uncle Edgar gets after he hits the eggnog. There is a time and a place for activism. Don’t believe professional activists who say you have to constantly fight with your family.
- COVID has particularly hurt many family relationships. Maybe Agnes wore her $2 Old Navy cloth mask like a shield for too long. Maybe Edgar didn’t get the vaccine. Remember that while our health officials failed us with their politicized advice, ordinary people did their best with the information at hand. Build relationships with the people you love. What we should have learned during our time apart is that family and friendship are everything.
- Five years ago I wrote: “When you are a parent, do not revolve your life around your children. Love them, nurture them, spend time with them, but don’t let them be your “whole world.” When they grow up, you still want a world.” I stand by a lot of that and continue to believe that having a life outside of your children is so important. But when the pandemic struck and society left children behind, many of us, myself included, rearranged our entire lives to help our children. Remember that sometimes adjustments need to be made and that doesn’t reveal who you are.
- If you are in a relationship, recognize that it needs attention. Has “gray divorce” or divorce over 50 almost doubled since 1990. We get caught up in our routines and forget to focus on each other. To eat out. Hold hands. Take photos of each other and together. Talk high about your spouse behind their back. kisses a lot. Remember the excitement of falling in love and the comfort of the early quiet days. Love each other openly and all the time.
- If you’re not in a relationship but want to be, remember the wise words of the famous philosopher of our youth, Axl Rose: “If you don’t have someone, you better go back and find them.” Your person won’t get you in find in your living room. If the pandemic has turned you into a couch potato, find your way back.
We’ve been through a lot in the last two years, but getting back to who we were isn’t impossible. Focus on what and who is important. Don’t fade; go live
https://nypost.com/2022/04/17/what-the-pandemic-and-aging-taught-me-about-whats-important/ What the pandemic – and aging – has taught me about what’s important