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Trolls say my son’s name is so bad he’ll be bullied for the rest of his life and never get a job – I almost changed it, things went bad

Staring dumbfounded at the comments in front of her, Stacey Flinn wonders if she made a bad parenting decision.

“Your son will never get a job”, “you are setting him up to fail”, “evil to do”, “you are a really bad parent”, the comments read.

The mother of one child Stacey Flinn was brutally trolled about her son's name

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The mother of one child Stacey Flinn was brutally trolled about her son’s nameCredit: Collectibles
Her son is called'Bear', after her pet's name with her husband

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Her son is called ‘Bear’, after her pet’s name with her husbandCredit: Collectibles

The mother of one from Darlington, Co Durham, has amazed everyone by feeling so powerful – and it’s all about her son’s name.

Stacey, now 39, was upset about a name change in the deed poll – until her husband Paul, 40, who is in the armed forces, spoke to her.

The NHS administrator told Fabulous: “My husband’s pet name for me is ‘Stacey Bear’, so when we had our son nine years ago we decided to call him Bear.

“We looked at other names, such as Arthur, who might be nicknamed Bear, but didn’t find anything we liked.

“My family loves his name, even though they think it’s unusual, we’ve received a few funny looks.

“Some of our friends asked it at first, saying ‘it’s an animal name, why are you doing that to him?” and ‘he won’t get a job, they’ll throw his CV’.

“When I got back to work from maternity leave, I got a few comments from people who weren’t my direct colleagues, saying, ‘Oh my God, what an unusual name, don’t worry about it. will be bullied at school?’

“It all built up and I started to panic, thinking we made the wrong choice.”

Questioning his decision, Stacey sought to rename Bear.

She said: “When a child is under one year old, you can change their name by going to the registry office, you don’t have to go through a deed poll.

“So I looked at that. I was thinking of changing his name to Ethan or Logan, because those guys were already on our shortlist, and made Bear his middle name. .

“He doesn’t have a middle name at the moment, so no fallback options,” she laughs.

Eager to get advice from other parents, Stacey posted on the parenting council Mumsnet, which only made matters worse.

Many say ‘he’ll never get a job’, ‘you’re failing him’, ‘evil to do’ or ‘you’re a really bad parent’

Stacey Flinn39

She said: “I asked ‘we named our son Bear, we get these comments, what do people think?’ Some people say ‘oh it’s just a name, I think it’s really cute’ but social media can be really bad.

“A lot of people say ‘he’s never going to get a job’, ‘you’re failing him’, ‘evil to do’ or ‘you’re a really bad parent’.

“Reading through these comments, I thought ‘oh my god’. I feel really uncomfortable.

“But my husband said ‘let’s say it now, you don’t even know these people, they don’t know you'”.

“It can completely melt your world, you think you’re doing the worst for your child. When it’s ultimately just a name, it doesn’t define a person.”

Stacey added: “We love the name Bear. Some people call their baby Mercedes and I personally don’t like it, but I’m not going to look at the kid and judge them.

“I think it’s just perception, unfortunately everyone has an opinion. And everyone is allowed to have an opinion, but sometimes they say it’s a bit too much.”

I feel really uncomfortable. It can completely dissolve your world, thinking you’re doing the worst for your child. When in the end it’s just a name, it doesn’t define him

Stacey Flinn39

Stacey was even told her son was going to be gay due to his name, as the term ‘bear’ can be used to describe the large, muscular men with beards in the community.

She added: “People were saying ‘he’s going to be gay because of this group’ and I was like ‘what the hell? What a comment’.

“It’s not that I care if he’s gay or not, but you can’t define your future by a name. It’s weird how people react to something so small.

“He was only nine months old at the time, he didn’t have the right personality yet.”

Stacey’s suspicions continued for a long time, and she even considered changing Bear’s name in the deed poll when he passed a poll.

She said: “I was really conscious and considered how much it would cost.

“If someone randomly asks his name, then mishears me and says ‘oh Ben’, I’ll just nod along, too bad.

“I’m not going to fix them because if I’m just passing by, I don’t want to get into a ‘oh, why are you calling him Bear?’

“I don’t think about it anymore, but in the early days it made me feel really vulnerable. I’m a new mom and I feel like I’ve failed him a little bit.”

“Every day my husband talks to me in circles, saying ‘Stacey we didn’t change it, that’s his name’.

“And the more we kept calling him that, the more he was. I can’t imagine him being called by any other name now.

“It got to the point where I thought ‘I don’t bother, I don’t care. People can comment if they want to’.

“Strangers keep saying things like ‘is that Teddy’s nickname?’ or ‘are you french?’ But I’ll answer “no, it’s spelled Bear as in Build-A-Bear.”

Stacey's husband Paul, 40, had to talk to her and remind her that strangers' opinions don't matter

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Stacey’s husband Paul, 40, had to talk to her and remind her that strangers’ opinions don’t matterCredit: Provided

Since Cheryl and Liam Payne named their son Bear four years ago, Stacey has noticed a subtle change.

She said: “Suddenly it became ‘oh, you named him after Cheryl Cole’ and now I have to say ‘no, I named him BEFORE the real Cheryl’.

“It’s still not a popular name, but it’s become more socially accepted. No one really has monolids these days.

“I got a weird comment, people would say ‘oh, what a cute name. Is he still cute at 18?” but I just said ‘yes, I think it will do’.

I’ll pretend his name is Ben and nod in agreement, because I don’t want to get into the whole conversation.

Stacey Flinn39

“As far as I know, he was never chosen for his name. And Bear liked that his name was a bit different. He played on it and said ‘I’m Bear, rah rah’.

“If he gets bullied, I’ll be confused and still consider changing his name, because I don’t want to put him through that. But it’s totally fine and there’s no problem at all. school.

“A name doesn’t define a person, so if you want to call your child Tree or Apple or whatever, go for it, as long as it makes you happy.

“Especially if it makes sense to you. It sounds silly, Bear makes sense to me and my husband, it’s not something coincidental. And it’s still a proper name, it’s just that. something that was considered slightly different at the time.”

We recently talked to a woman who is her father says her son will be bullied when she shares his name and made everyone laugh.

I have my ex’s original tattoo on my ankle but I don’t want to pay to have it removed – my child’s name will start with the same letter instead

https://www.thesun.co.uk/fabulous/17459227/trolled-sons-name-changed-bullied-never-job/ Trolls say my son’s name is so bad he’ll be bullied for the rest of his life and never get a job – I almost changed it, things went bad

Huynh Nguyen

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