Keep Johnny Depp away from Pirates of the Caribbean

Terrible idea, ahoy!

Barely a month since Johnny Depp won his never-ending defamation lawsuit against his ex-wife Amber Heard, a rumor has surfaced on website PopTopic that Disney, in its unending disdomia, wants the actor to appear in more Pirates of the Caribbean movies. Movies for an obscene $301 million.

A representative for Depp told NBC News on Tuesday the report was “fabricated,” though the shattered team certainly prefers headlines about possible contract negotiations to the actor’s text messages promising the “global humiliation” of his former spouse.

I, on the other hand, don’t.

Even if the house of mice offers Depp a single gold doubloon to scurry around as Captain Jack Sparrow again, it’s a plan worthy of the Poop deck.

Legally, the actor is quite employable. Depp had his day (well, his gajillion days) in court and emerged victorious. The Court of Public Opinion can babble and moan all it likes, but it is no substitute for the judicial system.

Depp as Captain Jack Sparrow (2003)
Depp was nominated for an Oscar for his role as Jack Sparrow in Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl.

What chills me is that Old Man Depp is no longer physically or artistically fit to act in these films. He should rather be thrown into the Hollywood brig.

When the first “Pirates” movie came out 19 years ago — *takes a sip of pirate rum* — Depp was a sprightly, sexy 40-year-old who had played Juliette Binoche’s smoldering suitor in “Chocolat” just three years earlier. ”

The actor, who often took on spooky roles in Tim Burton films like Edward Scissorhands and Sleepy Hollow, donned a pirate hat, donned a hilarious sense of humor, and earned himself an Oscar nomination for Best Actor a. And rightly so.

Yo ho, yo ho, oh how things have changed! Depp, who is now approaching 60, hasn’t drunk from the Fountain of Youth like cohort Tom Cruise of the same age. He looks and acts like he has a timeshare in Davy Jones’ locker.

Five years ago, he looked more like a bobbing buoy than a notorious seafarer in the terrifying film Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales as he lethargically called Quirks and snatched after the camera. Every chapter since the original has been borderline unwatchable, but a sympathetically scruffy turn from Depp was usually a safe bet. Since the fifth part, that is no longer true. The film has a 30% score on RottenTomatoes, which is off about 30%.

Depp was a sad shell of himself "Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales."
Depp was a sad shell of himself in Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales.
film frame

Yes, 875,337 people signed a Change.org petition last year urging Depp to take up the sword again. But they are demonstrably insane.

He’s better off in more mature films like this year’s Minamata, in which he played a real-life photojournalist — his highest-rated role in years. Leave the cunning treasure hunt to up-and-coming talent in a reboot. Harry Styles has prioritized acting as much as music these days, with two high-profile films set to be released in 2022. Let him try on the leather boots and eyeliner. He already owns many scarves.

Austin Butler could also be a good choice after his charismatic, extravagant turn in “Elvis”.

If Disney can’t help but recycle its aging properties, the studio might as well redesign the entire franchise. Keira Knightley was 18 in the first film; she’s 37 now. Orlando Bloom, who was 26, is 45 today. They’re both great, but fathertime is coming for all of us.

But most importantly, the life of a pirate is for…everyone but Johnny Depp.

https://nypost.com/2022/06/28/keep-johnny-depp-away-from-pirates-of-the-caribbean/ Keep Johnny Depp away from Pirates of the Caribbean

Emma Bowman

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