SO Matt Hancock was “in love” and said this week his affair was something out of his control – well, that’s fine, all is forgiven.
Except it’s not, right? Perhaps being “infatuated” with his former assistant Gina Coladangelo would make it more understandable if it were true.
But was he in love when it started? I wonder.
As a woman who knows what it feels like to be cheated on, I was furious to hear the former health secretary, 43, attempt to explain away his affair on a podcast.
Hancock admitted to breaking social distancing rules after he was caught on camera in a passionate embrace with his university friend-turned-colleague at the Department of Health.
But the MP chided Steven Bartlett, host of The Diary Of A CEO podcast, for implying the relationship was only “casual sex”.
Hancock said, “I didn’t have casual sex with anyone — I fell in love with someone.”
With that, many took to Twitter to express their disapproval.
One poster, Nathaniel Tapley, wrote: “The most romantic thing about Hancock is how he thinks, when you’re in love you have no control over your actions. Like love is a fungal spore that lodges in your brain, taking control of your motor neurons and forcing you to climb a leaf and explode.”
I couldn’t agree more. Resonating with the charged word “love” is a hint of the classic scenario of the guilty party trying to make themselves – or themselves – feel less guilty.
The reality is that more often than not, an affair is about having your cake and eating it.
I split from my ex-husband, TV presenter Chris Tarrant, 15 years ago after his long-standing affair with a teacher.
I had my suspicions. I just thought he’d changed, the shape of our marriage had faltered.
I had asked him: “Are you having an affair?”
He looked me straight in the eye and said, “No.”
But a private detective discovered I was right.
In the press he said the affair had “no meaning” and that he still loves me. But it was too late.
It was the lying that shocked me the most. I couldn’t live with that and, with the blessing of my children, initiated divorce proceedings. That’s how our 16-year marriage ended.
I split from my ex-husband, TV star Chris Tarrant, 15 years ago after his long-standing affair with a teacher. I had my suspicions. I just thought he’d changed, the shape of our marriage had faltered. His attitude towards me had changed. If I said it was cold he would say it was hot.
It was mostly happy and we were together for seven years before tying the knot in 1991.
We had Sammy and Toby, who were 18 and 15 at the time of our split, and he had become a father figure to the children from my first marriage, Dexter, then 26, and Fia, 22.
It’s a heartbreaking decision to break up a marriage. It affects everything from your status in society, to your reputation, to your relationships with friends. But I saw no other way.
Years later, my ex-husband still didn’t understand what all the fuss was about. He reportedly said the affair left “no deaths” and he “couldn’t understand why this continues to be news.”
People often ask me if I expected him to come in when I asked him if he was having an affair. Of course I have. If he had admitted it and said, “I’m so sorry, yes I am. I feel so guilty,” I would have had more respect.
Everyone has a conscience and can do the right thing. But unfortunately, the truth usually doesn’t come out until the scammer is caught in the act – until then, they’re enjoying the best of both worlds, regardless of the consequences.
Unfortunately, men like Hancock are cowards. You’re too selfish, too selfish to think about it.
They use the word “love” lightly — they may think this resonates with women, but women have a deeper, more romantic understanding of what true love really is.
Love does right by the person you made vows to, the person you made a commitment to spend the rest of your life with.
Love means being able to nip an affair in the bud instead of letting it tear a family apart. How must the betrayed person feel when they hear the word being thrown around like confetti?
My ex’s relationship with his lover did not continue after exposure, it was ‘meaningless’.
I can only imagine what it was like for Hancock’s wife, Martha Millar, and their three children. It must be beyond heartbreaking for her to hear his last words.
After my marriage ended, I lost two pounds, I couldn’t eat, my hair fell out, and I developed a mouth abscess.
I looked back on the big special occasions in our marriage and realized that those were all moments when he was cheating on me. You feel tricked into thinking your relationship was real when in fact it was an empty act. An affair cheapens everything you value in a relationship.
It’s like it’s so disposable — and that’s what marriage isn’t, and for the kids, it absolutely isn’t. It shakes her – her parents are her world.
You go into marriage wanting the same thing, a union that you believe is forever. If one party doesn’t feel the same anymore, how civilized would it be if both could have an honest discussion and decide to “marry” or “decouple.”
That’s idealistic, but what a civilized way to do it.
Since my marriage failed, I am out of a relationship and am celibate. I don’t need a man to be happy. Some women cling to toxic marriages or jump right into a new relationship after divorce, but I don’t think that’s wise.
“Time is a great healer,” as the saying goes, and I’m sure Hancock’s wife will soon realize that. He played it so wrong and made it so much worse by doing this blatant interview.
We can all relate to being hurt. If he had shown a little remorse and sincerely apologized and accepted responsibility for his own actions, maybe he could have regained a little respect.
Of course I would never say that what he did was acceptable, but if he had been more contrite I could have been more understanding.
But that’s not what scammers do. They act first, think later, and then try to make excuses.
Additional reporting: Yasmin Harisha
https://www.thesun.co.uk/tvandshowbiz/17848940/ingrid-chris-tarrant-matt-hancock-cheating/ Just like cheating on Matt Hancock, my husband was having an affair