Straining a friendship over time is a difficult thing – and a task that can often lead to a full-blown argument.
But if you are thinking about pursuing a friendship break upthen there are some things you can do to make the process smoother for everyone involved, according to relationship psychologist Heather Garbutt.
It’s a good idea to start off by giving your friend a hint that a serious conversation is on the horizon.
“Let them know you need to have a serious conversation with them, and set aside some time where you can be private and respectful of each other.
“You can expect the other person to be upset, and you need to make sure you have good support yourself.”
Heather also suggests starting the conversation by talking about the positive aspects of friendship—the things you’ve enjoyed.
Once that is covered, you can move on to what was missing and ultimately stimulated the conversation.
“Don’t blame or shame the other person, just say what you needed that wasn’t possible in that friendship,” she explained.
“Ultimately, as long as there hasn’t been abuse, it’s that you’re no longer a good match or that you don’t have healthy relationship skills, rather than one of you having something intrinsically wrong.”
Being kind and respectful during the breakup is paramount, stresses Heather.
If the conversation organically leads to more conversation, that’s the time to think again — to see if you think there’s a way to salvage the friendship.
On the other hand, if your friend becomes defensive, your decision to end the friendship will be validated.
Once the conversation is over, Heather advises taking some time to think back and see if you can see similar patterns in other friendships.
“If you’re the common denominator, then you could commit yourself and do some work on yourself,” she added.
“Ask yourself if similar dynamics have emerged in your relationship within your family of origin, siblings, or cousins.
“Maybe you go to therapy or coaching.
“This can be an immense source of learning, allowing you to move beyond old patterns and create more satisfying friendships and relationships of all kinds in the future.”
https://www.thesun.co.uk/fabulous/18071224/psychologist-advice-dealing-friendship-break-up/ I’m a Psychologist – Here’s the Best Way to Cope with a Friendship Breakup