ICYMI: Downing Street Parties, Plan B, Boris Scandal – and Geronimo

It sometimes feels like this is Boris Johnson’s world and we’re all just living in it (Image: PA/Getty/Reuters)

I don’t know about you, reader, but at we’re ready for some wine and drinks.

And when we say wine and drink, we mean Wine and Beverages. Bottles of wine at Echo Falls, buckets filled with vents and chips, cans of Stella for dessert. Kind of.

Why? Because on Monday morning, Boris Johnson rolled onto the four-poster bed, staggered to the mirror in the dressing room, and made a promise to herself.

Messing up his hair and knotting his open satin kimono, we imagine him looking us straight in the eye and muttering in a low voice, so as not to wake Carrie: ‘I’m going to ruin their week. All of them.’

And he did. For those of us involved in the little corner of the gimmicky business we like to call ‘news’, this week has been a grueling, dizzying exercise in following Boris – and, the credit has come. term, he did not disappoint.

We got to see a festival of Johnsonism, an epochal performance in Boris art.

Not paying attention? Good for you. Sit back and let us explain what the hell happened.

Locked and loaded in Downing Street

When is a party not a party? This is the question that haunts Westminster. It turns out that after the government pulled the plug on The Session last winter, it could have continued a lot behind Number 10’s doors.

The allegations have been swirling around for a while but Leaked video of Prime Minister’s aide Allegra Stratton joking about an event seems to provide the strongest evidence yet that Downing Street is the place to be at a time when people just wish they were anywhere else. She has was thrown in tears under a big red bus of Boris Johnson but it was not enough to prevent scrutiny.

Counselor Allegra Stratton is so far the only victim of a partisan scandal – but it is unlikely she will be the last (Image: PA)

The Prime Minister was ‘sick’ to find out gatherings could have taken place in Downing Street (also his home, of course) and ordered the cabinet secretary (who works in Downing Street) to get to the bottom of this mystery.

A little complicated: that investigation has now been expanded to also include an alleged walk-away incident at Number 10 on November 27 and another party at the education department’s headquarters on November 10. December. Not at all bitter, former aide Dominic Cummings claims there was also a party in PM’s apartment in November – the party is currently under investigation (and The Met is too busy to investigate any of them).

Ant and Dec trolled PM mercilessly on primetime TV every night and the Tories have lagging behind Labor in the polls. Government accusations not taking your own locking rules seriously is nothing new – but for the first time this week, the supposed cavalier attitude has actually shaken the very center of power – and who knows what it has shaken?

TL; DR: An aide has resigned and an investigation has been launched into a party that – according to the government, did not happen.

Plan B and Square One

While everyone is angry about what happened during the last shutdown, the government is busy with the introduction of the next one. Its not as bad as last time – Covid goes through some locations, wears masks in stores, works from home – but it feels very much like we’ve been here before.

Omicron is spreading like wildfire, and health officials still cannot say for certain how effective existing vaccines will be against it.

The government resisted the implementation of Plan B for weeks but ended up going through a less than ideal period for the government (Image: PA)

In a highly awkward move that appeared to have been scripted, Mr Johnson was forced to announcing new measures from the very expensive podium where his aide was filmed joking about the Downing Street gathering, less than 24 hours after the footage was shown to every home in the country.

The Prime Minister is in a quandary: by any reasonable standards, the worse picture of Covid-19 seems to justify a change to the rules – but in the context of his work he’s under threat, the whole thing will always look like a desperate desperation.

Some of his own MPs have accused him of rushing to introduce new restrictions to divert attention and that he will be forced to endure what looks to be the biggest consequential rebellion of his time. prime minister when the new rules are passed before the Commons next week.

The poll has found the public appalled by allegations of partying in Downing Street and as a result are less likely to respect the measure. It’s hard to imagine a worse time for the prime minister to seriously ask us all to rein in it.

TL; DR: Boris Johnson, who always follows all the rules, wants you to follow more of them. Okay?

Cherish the cracks

While Mr Johnson was battling fires on those two fronts, a third had already been lit in the background.

Questions about who paid for the refurbishment of the Downing Street flat have puzzled the Prime Minister for months. In a nutshell, a rather complicated arrangement was struck between a Tory donor and a parent company and the Conservative Party to cover the lavish redecoration costs (the final bill amounted to more than £100,000). ).

There could be another investigation into who paid for the redecoration of the Downing Street apartment (Image: PA)

On Thursday, The Electoral Commission fined the Tory . party – dispute the findings – and envisage its transparent processes for failing to properly declare the amount. That was bad enough but could have at least drawn a line under a line which is already a dilemma for the government. Enter Boris.

The point is, the rose discovered a WhatsApp message from the Prime Minister to the Tory sponsor in November 2020 related to the refurbishment – but when the matter was previously investigated by a government adviser, Mr Johnson said he only learned of the funding in February. Labor said he lied; he said he didn’t. To put it bluntly, it’s another mess.

TL; DR: Boris Johnson has managed to turn getting new wallpapers into a crisis of fidelity.

Baby Boris on… Saturday?

Like him or dislike him, Boris Johnson must be tired. Picture the scene: you’re prime minister, your political future is in balance, scandals are engulfing your government, you’re preparing to impose restrictions on the country, and investigators are Ask more questions about your cold carpet. And then your phone rings. You are required to be in the obstetrics department.

Boris had a relaxing break for the fall of his career with the birth of his daughter (Image: PA)

The Prime Minister had to temporarily leave the flaming wreck of his own creation to run to the hospital to be with Carrie giving birth to a daughter; the couple’s second child since entering Downing Street.

At we’re not the type to judge here but it’s probably fair to say Mr Johnson’s private life and emotional history are complicated. It’s hard to say with certainty how many children he actually has but it It is believed by many that this is his seventh time.

It’s great news for the couple and you have to become a special type of killer to not get excited for anything other than pleasing them – but God, aren’t they enough yet?

TL:DR: Congratulations, Boris and Carrie – we bet the christening party will be a riot.

And finally… Geronimo is dead, long live Geronimo

Not so long ago, the entire country was strangely invested in the fate of a shaggy-looking horse named Geronimo. As a nation, we learned together for the first time that this silly steed was actually something called an alpaca, not a llama at all. And then we found out very quickly that this cheerful lama may or may not have bovine tuberculosis.

It turns out that Geronimo may have been telling the truth a long time ago (Image: PA)

With one government gunmen ready to take Geronimo to alpaca paradise, these islands have been fragmented in a way not seen since Brexit. Some of us have seen a noble, unjustly cruel creature – a perfectly healthy specimen that has fallen victim to a ruthless and flawed state bureaucracy. Others see a horse that has erroneously consumed that probably needs to be handled before it can infect anything that can grow up to be palatable.

Geronimo’s distraught owner was adamant that the two positive TB test results it had returned were futile and that pleading for clemency was also futile. Now the government’s chief veterinary officer has confirm that a post-mortem investigation was unable to determine whether the animal had tuberculosis, four months after it was killed. To be fair, this is not a great view. will not draw any parallels between the fate of a shaggy-headed alpaca and current leadership maneuvers within the Conservative Party.

TL; DR: Whatever you’re doing this weekend, make a slot for Geronimo.

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Huynh Nguyen

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