END the love of your life is supposed to be beautiful and seamless, but not always, thanks to husbands who just can’t let their kids go.
Fortunately, experts have shared some methods for handling overbearing husbands to maintain the peace.
DON’T TAKE PERSONALITY
Of course, most things are easier said than done.
But licensed marriage and family therapist Dr Omar Ruiz suggests taking a step back from any situation that’s bothering you so you can recognize your in-laws’ behavior may not be the same. personal problems they have with you.
In fact, it can have everything to do with themselves.
Based on KidsHeathBullies often act because they feel threatened by someone or want attention.
While the sons-in-law are adults, the same idea may apply.
For example, one woman anonymously posted on Reddit that she was hurt by the fact that mother-in-law told her husband that no one could love him. like she does.
This may have nothing to do with the daughter-in-law, but may have to do with the mother’s own insecurities and her inability to accept the fact that she is losing part of her son to someone else.
And while you may want to scratch your hair at your spouse’s seemingly happy compliments or gentle remarks, NYC-based psychotherapist Dr. Valeria Aliendres indicates that rearranging a situation can also help reduce stress.
“Unless you have evidence of malicious intent, it is helpful to assume that your in-laws have good intentions and may be just communicating their feelings and thoughts in a useless way.” she explained.
“For example, instead of assuming your mother-in-law is bossy and controlling, you can retort it like, ‘My mother-in-law really cares about my partner and is having a hard time adjusting boundaries. . about our new marriage. ‘
“Changing the way we automatically recognize intentions can help reduce stress and reduce feelings of resentment in general.”
Some therapists believe that setting boundaries is an important step in maintaining civil interactions between family members.
However, you need to do it calmly and non-threateningly, according to Dr. Ruiz.
“Confronting your spouse will only add fuel to the fire of their lust [or] need to take control of your situation, your relationship or your life,” he warns.
“Instead, stand your ground calmly.
“Let them know that what they are doing or saying is not right for you and if they continue to do so, inform them of the possible consequences.”
He continued: “Don’t think of the consequences as confrontational threats, but affirm that you need to be respected and that if they continue to disrespect you, you will either walk out of the conversation or completely remove them. completely out of their presence”.
For example, one woman publicly complained online that Her mother-in-law laments about choosing a name for her baby while she is in labor.
Instead of yelling at her mother-in-law to shut up, the woman calmly offers two options: stop complaining or leave the room.
KEEP THE DOORS OPEN WITH YOUR PARTNER
You and your spouse aren’t the only ones who need to know your ideal boundaries.
Your partner needs to know too, but it can be as difficult as talking to your husband if your partner isn’t on the same page as you.
“In these situations, it is important to communicate your boundaries with your partner in a way that elicits empathy from them,” says licensed marriage and family therapist and adjunct professor. marriage and family therapy helper Ashera DeRosa told The Sun.
She suggests that instead of saying directly what makes you angry about your partner’s mother or father, you can give them a reason with supporting evidence and an opportunity to unite.
“For example, say, ‘I get angry and really hurt when your mother makes one-sided comments about the way we raise our children.
‘Can you help me with this so that family gatherings don’t become stressful?’ create a situation in which your partner can collaborate with you and give them space to question their parent’s behavior,” she explains.
Another approach, says Dr. Ruiz, is to acknowledge your position on this issue.
“Explain that you know you and they can’t choose who their family is, but you do have a choice about what kind of relationship you will have with them,” he advises.
“People struggle to see the problems that exist in their families because of these behaviors [or] action was considered normal.
“Culture can be about ignoring it or accepting it, instead of challenging it or approaching it with the necessary boundaries set.”
He adds that if communicating openly and empathically with your partner becomes difficult, contacting a family therapist can be incredibly effective.
Additionally, author, public speaker, and cognitive-behavioral coach Dr. Robin Buckley is supposed to treat current or potential problems like a business: by having a specific plan in place.
“There is a standard operating procedure (SOP) regarding the ‘collateral’ management of your marriage.
“Just as you have SOPs in your professional environment to ensure situations are handled in the most effective way possible, clearly identifying SOPs in your marriage can bring similar benefits.
“These should be written to allow both partners access to the SOP when the situation arises.”
“If a partner disagrees that there is a problem, perform an analysis to see if the collateral behaviors support the goals and roles within the relationship that the partner has identified,” she adds. or not.
“Using this objective approach to looking at the situation can reduce emotions and allow a couple to create a strategic plan that will support each other and the marriage.”
Finally, the fact is that conjugal relationships involve more than just two beings and bind many people together, so it benefits everyone on the same page.
Dr. Ruiz reminds everyone that although there are many uncontrollable factors that come into play in any situation, there is one thing you can control: You.
“Instead of focusing on what can be done to change them and their behavior, focus on what you have the most control over,” he suggests.
“You have all the control over what you say and do.
“If you make choices in response to their behavior, you are only responsible to yourself if the outcome of that interaction is not in your favor.”
Finally, relationship and communication expert, and founder of Chloe’s Consciousness Training Chloe Ballatore says the best thing to do for herself in stressful situations involving her parents-in-law is to give herself a break.
“Go to the bathroom, get out, get some water,” she urged.
“Interacting with parents can be very stimulating, so do your best.
“This will help you immediately and prevent you from flying off the handle.”
Furthermore, she recommends shortening face-to-face contact time and sticking to certain topics of conversation to avoid controversial topics.
She also says that meeting your spouse in public instead of at home can encourage them to be polite and to keep their manners in mind.
One thing she said definitely shouldn’t be trying to change someone, especially when they’re older and maybe the way they are.
“It’s a win-lose situation,” she warned.
She concludes: “Remember that your most important relationship is with your lover.
“Hopefully the two of you are on the same page about your spouse.
“Otherwise, you may have to agree or disagree.
“However, if disagreements intensify, you may need to rethink your relationship.”
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https://www.thesun.co.uk/fabulous/17783912/handle-overbearing-laws-maintain-the-peace-relationship-experts/ Four ways to deal with bossy husbands and keep the peace, according to relationship experts